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IT Jokes
The Original Computer
A long time ago...
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Memory was something you lost with age
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An application was for employment
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A program was a TV show
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A cursor used profanity
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A keyboard was a piano
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A web was a spider's home
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A virus was the flu
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A CD was a bank account
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A hard drive was a long trip on the road
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A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
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Users needed to go to rehab
The Mother-in-Law
A woman was scheduled to fly from the U.S. to Europe, where her husband was stationed in the military. At airport check in, she was asked some standard security questions.
"Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" she was asked.
"There is just one package my mother in law packed. She wanted me to carry it to her son," she answered.
The security agent looked at her closely and asked, "Does your mother-in-law like you?"
If Cars were like Computers...
At a computer show, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving
twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles per gallon."
In response to Gates' comments, General Motors issued a press release stating, "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
- For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
- Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
- Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the car windows, shut it off, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
- Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
- Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought a multi-seat license.
- Apple would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on 5% of the roads.
- The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General System Error" light.
- The airbag system would ask "are you SURE?" before deploying.
- Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the sideview mirror.
- Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same way as the old car.
- To turn off the engine, you would have to push a button marked "Start."
IT Jokes, page 2 |
